So, I've been informed that I mistook the Clemson mascot. (I can't see why people are really surprised...it's a blog written by a woman about mascots...I'm clearly not claiming superior sports knowledge) I do apologize, but also recognize that my story didn't fit as well if I had used the accurate mascot.
...I totally had Kansas losing early.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Ohio State has no chance
While everyone is arguing with friends, looking up stats, and religiously watching ESPN to make well thought out predictions for this year's NCAA tournament, I decided to look at the true heart and soul of any team to make my decision: their mascot.
This year, my bracket is decided solely on who would win in a to-the-death-cage-fight.
In the first round, there were a few clear wins (Cougar > Gator). And I've OBVIOUSLY done my research.
As a general rule, any human mascot will always be destroyed by nature's greatest animals (exception: Spider v Knight. sorry Richmond). UNLESS you have God, Satan, or magic on your side (So-Wake, Duke and Notre Dame get easy wins in Round 1).
The hard ones were the generally even-matched guys. Take Kansas-Lehigh. Jayhawk vs Mountain Hawk? How to decide? Well, I did my research. Apparently, the Jayhawk is a mythical bird (magic points) that combines a blue jay (an obnoxiously noisy creature) and a sparrow hawk (stealthy hunter). They warn me "not to turn my back on this bird." The mountain hawk should have listened. Kansas wins.
But what about the Clemson-Missouri game you ask? In a death match, would a cougar or tiger come out victorious? The only way I could decided was a recent reminder of dear old Tiger Woods and his escapade with a rather unattractive cougar mistress. The Cougar definitely came out with a W on that one and so does Clemson.
The notable upset in rank was the Maryland-Houston game. According to Wikipedia, the terrapin was once considered a delicacy to eat and was hunted almost to extinction. I can't respect an animal weak enough to almost become extinct. Houston wins.
The mascot upset goes to Syracuse. I know, you're immediate reaction is that you think I just couldn't bear to have a #1 team go down in the first round. But nay. Let's just stop and consider that cage fight: GIANT ORANGE vs a Wildcat? Clearly there's some voodoo going on to bring to life an orange (obvious magic points) and what would be a wildcat's weapon against the giant citrus machine of death? A wildcat doesn't stand a chance--they'd get a tiny bit of juice in their eyes and be done for.
Stay tunes for my completed bracket tomorrow. It's gonna rock your world.
This year, my bracket is decided solely on who would win in a to-the-death-cage-fight.
In the first round, there were a few clear wins (Cougar > Gator). And I've OBVIOUSLY done my research.
As a general rule, any human mascot will always be destroyed by nature's greatest animals (exception: Spider v Knight. sorry Richmond). UNLESS you have God, Satan, or magic on your side (So-Wake, Duke and Notre Dame get easy wins in Round 1).
The hard ones were the generally even-matched guys. Take Kansas-Lehigh. Jayhawk vs Mountain Hawk? How to decide? Well, I did my research. Apparently, the Jayhawk is a mythical bird (magic points) that combines a blue jay (an obnoxiously noisy creature) and a sparrow hawk (stealthy hunter). They warn me "not to turn my back on this bird." The mountain hawk should have listened. Kansas wins.
But what about the Clemson-Missouri game you ask? In a death match, would a cougar or tiger come out victorious? The only way I could decided was a recent reminder of dear old Tiger Woods and his escapade with a rather unattractive cougar mistress. The Cougar definitely came out with a W on that one and so does Clemson.
The notable upset in rank was the Maryland-Houston game. According to Wikipedia, the terrapin was once considered a delicacy to eat and was hunted almost to extinction. I can't respect an animal weak enough to almost become extinct. Houston wins.
The mascot upset goes to Syracuse. I know, you're immediate reaction is that you think I just couldn't bear to have a #1 team go down in the first round. But nay. Let's just stop and consider that cage fight: GIANT ORANGE vs a Wildcat? Clearly there's some voodoo going on to bring to life an orange (obvious magic points) and what would be a wildcat's weapon against the giant citrus machine of death? A wildcat doesn't stand a chance--they'd get a tiny bit of juice in their eyes and be done for.
Stay tunes for my completed bracket tomorrow. It's gonna rock your world.
Monday, March 8, 2010
This Is Not Important
I’m trying to cut out coffee. Which means I’ve been drinking tea constantly. Tea is a terrible terrible replacement for the caffeine-laden love that can only come from freshly brewed ground coffee beans with some half and half. Ok, now I want some…I’ll be right back.
The American The Office is better than the British The Office. Except for Ricky Gervais’s laugh.
I really miss my old phone. You know…when they still made phones with buttons. But at least this new one doesn’t need duct tape and saran wrap.
If I ever have a kid, I want him to be like Calvin.
The American The Office is better than the British The Office. Except for Ricky Gervais’s laugh.
I really miss my old phone. You know…when they still made phones with buttons. But at least this new one doesn’t need duct tape and saran wrap.
If I ever have a kid, I want him to be like Calvin.
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