Cooler as ekke?

So in parts of Cape Town, this "Zef" (Afrikaans for "redneck") rap thing is all the rage. Especially this guy, Jack Parow:

If you're wondering what that ridiculous thing on his head is, thats the brim of an over extended "Pinocchio" style hat. True hip hop has never been more embarrassed.

His biggest hit at the moment is Cooler as ekke, which translates to "Cooler Than Me." And apparently women are going crazy for this guy. Its hilarious.

Since it's all in Afrikaans, I never knew what he was saying (although I was confident it was a multi-layered, poetically complex work of musical expression...). Thanks to the power of Google, I am here to share with you the words of Jack Parow. The Afrikaans slang words are in Bold, with the English equivalent in [brackets].

And as much as I make fun of it---I can't lie, it's pretty damn catchy.

You think you're cooler than me because you smoke Yves Saint Laurent cigarettes

You think you're cooler than me because you've got a tattoo of a snake on you tette [breast]

You think you're cooler than me because you've got a poster of Led Zeppelin above your bed

You think you're cooler than me because you're at the J&B Met each year [A South African horse racing event where people wear crazy outfits]

You're old news, I come with raw beats.

You lie and wait, I go searching for something

You're ice tea, I'm witblits [colorless spirit/alcohol]

You're light beer, I'm spirits

You're the old with the new fresh look

I'm the guy with the Pep Stores pants [generally considered to be a store with cheap pricing and quality]

I watch you, you koekeloer [slang for a (non medical) version of "gynecologist"...you can figure that out for yourself :)] oukes [people, friends]

You still forward Vernon Koekemoer jokes

I'm great, you're spasties [spastic/spaz]

I take poppies [dolls/pretty women] you go on about small kids

You're Tim Vorster, I'm Chris Edwards [both stars on a SA soap, Egoli]

You're innie [in the] bushes, I roll innie fat shit

You're going as campfire songs ommie [?]

My slick style sneaks quietly like a vampire, your style is soft shit like a pink marshmallow

Girls screaming for just "one night in Parow"

You think you're cooler than me because you hang with models and I hang together with slette [sluts]

You think you're cooler than me because I'm a rapper and you sing falsetto

You think you're cooler than me because I travel on the bus and you fly in a jet

You think you're cooler than me because you drive a Peugeot two six zero

You roll with a cellphone in you pen [pants]

I still roll with a 3310 [old Nokia phone]

My style goes sexy correctly

You still wear fucking Mr Price Red [SA clothing store/brand of cheaper prices]

If I walk in, skrikkie the whole fucking bar [the whole bar gets frightened]

You still get fucking money from your mother

I leave the whole jol [party] papnat [wet/dripping wet]

If you enter, the whole party pad vat [take the road/leave]

I'm American, you are Iraq

I bomb you, I make the splash

I'm a Bic pen

You're a Mont Blanc

You walk around with foam on the edge of your fucking mouth

I'm a flash drive you're a floppy

You act as if you have everything, but you're fake

Jack Parow bra, I live like a straatmeit [street mate/friend...a vagrant]

You think you're cooler than me because you drink at Ku De Ta and I drink at De Decks [Cape Town clubs]

You think you're cooler than me because you are the gentleman, bra eksie prette [man, I'm the picture of a gentleman]

You think you're cooler than me because I holiday in Hartenbos

And you holiday in Quebec

You think you're cooler than me because you have the new issue of One Small Seed [SA pop culture magazine]

Jack Parow bra, I'm a poes woes [wild cat]

You eat Caviar and couscous, I drink Klipdrif [SA brand of whiskey]

You drink Peroni

You have friends in Sweden, I have friends in Benoni

I buy all my clothes at the local Pep Stores, save more

You buy all your fucking clothes at a store

You only wear fucking Polo Shirts

Same, you listen to the Dirty Skirts [CT rock band]

My name's Parow, think, heavy uiteskollie [naughty boy]

You look like Jeremy de Tollie [Dirty Skirts frontman]

Jack Parow, the life of the party

You only wear fucking Issey Miyake [a perfume]

You're too cool for school, eks mos kief [of course I'm cool]

I'm Grasshopper

You are Lacoste sports

You let the cake flop, I raise the house

Your girl has a picture of my dick on her Space Case [pencil box]

So there you go! (A really fantastic last line too, don't you agree?)

I think this is about the same level as "Bedrock." Which means the idiocy of the song makes you feel guilty for listening to it...but you can't help but sing along.